So many of us ladies walk around BROKEN. Being broken is not a good feeling. Walking around without a sense of purpose. Wondering what does this life have to offer us. As women we carry a lot of weight on our shoulders. Although society considers men as #1 us women are not to far behind them. Since the beginning of time women have been fighting for our rights when it comes to equality, but I believe we have lacked in one department. The department of building our worth and becoming whole. What does it looks like being whole? What does it look like having control over your emotions to live an awesome incredible life? I’ve been on this journey of growing in my self worth for awhile now and I’m ready to share with you what I’ve learned.
5 Tips On Starting Your Journey to Becoming Whole
1. Heal Old Wounds
Through out my journey of understanding myself I have had to tackle some hard truths. We never want to admit that we’ve dealt with this issue or we’ve dealt with that issue. Sometimes it becomes easier to suppress our feelings, but truthfully like a shaken bottle of soda; we will eventually explode. It’s hard to take that long journey back to where it all started but in the end healing is worth the pressure of digging up old wounds.
Most of our wounds start in our childhood. So don’t be afraid to take that trip back and revisit those hard moments in order to start your journey of healing.
For example, my journey of childhood trauma started when I was in high school around 10th grade. My parents started experiencing their share of marriage woes and it was taking a toll on my mental state. No child wants to experience their parents hurt and pain. Their pain eventually takes affect on the children. Yet alone hear them talk about divorce. In return I started acting out and showing out. My attitude got the best of me and in return it followed me all the way into my adult life. I didn’t start working on my life until I turned 26. The same year my relationship started with Jesus Christ.
Growing in Christ has been my motivation to get my life in order
This journey has been long and tiring however all worth it because I am a changed person in the end. Never fear the unknown but tackle it head on. Healing old wounds allows for us as women to not allow new wounds to develop. You learn to tackle new challenges head on without getting busted up. One of the hardest challenges I have ever experience was over thinking, self doubt, low self esteem, worry, comparison, jealousy and much more. The battle was always a war in my mind but I had to learn to speak life over myself. Which leads me to point #2.
2. Self Help Books
Only a few know that during my courtship with my husband I went through a dark season of accepting any and everything. My husband was going through his share of deliverance from homosexuality (Yes, my husband lived a lifestyle of homosexuality for 5 years before I met him.) That’s a whole story within itself but in due time I will go into more details about my husband and I’s relationship and how we grew to be who are today. However during our courtship he was healing from past wounds as well as I but during the process we both were super mean towards one another.
When you don’t work on your wounds, those bandages will eventually start peeling back and bleeding into new relationships.
In the mist of love we treated one another like trash. Yes, we established boundaries and we wasn’t having sex before marriage. We were serving and attending church services but that didn’t stop the abuse we both were enduring due to childhood trauma. I was engaged to my husband up until 2-3 months into this season when we decided to break up. There was no respect and to be honest I didn’t like my husband.
During this period I felt alone and was ready to pack up and move back home. Of course that’s always the easy way out so staying in Atlanta and using that time to grow in Christ was the best decision. I pulled out of all the ministries I was serving in to just attend service. No longer did I want to help anyone to Christ, because I needed to get to Christ. Yes, that sounds selfish but I’m in no place to bring someone to Jesus, when I’m far away from him. I came across this incredible book that would forever change my life. I highly recommend reading “Spoken For” by Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Joy Bethke. They go into details on how God has spoken for us and how we belong to him.
Two books I absolutely adore 1. The Holy Bible and 2. Spoken For
Outside of fantasy books, I have never read a book from front to back like I have “Spoken For.” This book is incredible! Reading up on how God views me really allowed for me to view myself differently. In the moment I started checking off what was good for me and what wasn’t. Friendships started to end and I started to understand why God isolated me in the first place. He was building my worth in order to handle the challenges that was coming my way which leads us to point #3.
3. In Person and Online Therapists
As much as I believe in total healing through Jesus Christ; there is nothing wrong with seeking extra help. In a day and age where mental health is not a taboo topic anymore, it’s important to seek a licensed therapist to help you heal. For me I’m very self sufficient so I healed on my own with the strength of Christ. That’s not the case for everyone. With the building of my Twitter account I came across a few online therapists that has been a blessing in disguise. Reading their threads has helped me healed in areas I never even thought to tackle. One of my goals is to research a therapist for myself and for my husband and I. Often times I feel as though I need that extra person to express myself.
I have a great community of friends but I do enjoy talking to people who don’t know nothing about me.
These online ladies are just a few of the ladies I follow who are licensed and supply a lot of great information FOR FREE. For instance check out the video above on how to find a therapist. They are helping us gather the necessary information that we need in order to get to that next level of being great. You’re never to big to seek out counseling and get the proper help. I highly recommend seeking the right one in your community.
Community, community, community this word can not be expressed enough. I stress the heck out of this word on purpose. In other words you need a community of ladies who are going to help push you and motivate you. Now don’t become dependent on them.
Your friends is not a clutch for you to become stuck in your ways
From time to time I found myself in weird situations with people I thought were friends. Not knowing that God was transitioning people out of my life because my season with them was over. However it didn’t stop the pain of wondering “why.” In due time I grew from worrying so much to understanding that time alone was necessary for my development. Since our move to Charlotte it’s been 6 months up to this time with really focusing on who is for me and who isn’t. Don’t be afraid to change your circle of friends around. For instance I only talk to 1 friend from my original friends group when I first moved to Atlanta. Yes, it hurt in the beginning but since then I have built an incredible community of ladies who is meant for me.
5. JESUS CHRIST HIMSELF
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. ~Jesus Christ
Had to save the BEST FOR LAST!!!! If you are in Christ, I highly recommend you growing your relationship in him. Before turning 26 years I just lived life to be living it. I was depressed and miserable. Since year 26 to year 32 I have grown tremendously as a woman. I’ll be 33 this upcoming September 6th and super excited to grow the more in Christ. I literally just walked out another season that consisted of worrying and attachment. Ask me how long that took to overcome, I’ll be glad to share with you. It took 5 months. My experience in Charlotte has been a rehabilitation to really grow deeper in Christ. I know who I am and whose I am through Jesus Christ. He’s the best relationship I’ve EVER HAD and STILL HAVE.
FAITH AND TRUST IN HIM HAS SUSTAIN ME THIS FAR AND I’M READY TO BUILD A COMMUNITY CENTER AROUND HIM.